It's been awhile

I have been SO BUSY!!!!! OMG!!!!! We are leaving for NY on Friday, Flying!!!!!!! OMG again!!!!!! This should be interesting.... I am still cooking everything from scratch for Sebastian and working full time AND I just started a NEW BUSINESS!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!! Finally!!!!!!! I love having my own biz. I've always loved having my own biz. It is so much fun. I've been looking for a great company to partner with and I know I have found it! Ava Anderson Non Toxic. I joined as a consultant on February 8th and have had two parties so far. I'm excited to see my future with this company. It just seems so much better than Herbalife ever was. It is SO ME! I have been using the products for about a year and love them, they are safe for us to use and completely non-toxic. I am so happy to have finally found a company that I know I want to work with and be able to have my own biz and to have the opportunity to be HOME in a few years when Sebastian is ready to go to school. I want to be there for him and be able to work from home! It will happen! Then maybe we can finally move too!!!!!! That would be amazing. We need to move from this house within the next few years. I know that for now it will take me away from him more which really sucks but, I know that if I work really hard for the next year or so I will be able to be home more!!!! I have to keep my eye on the prize and the prize is SEBASTIAN! The love of my life!!!

I started getting everything ready for our trip last night. We have SO MUCH STUFF and I don't know how we are going to get it all on the plane. It is going to be a challenge. I had a lot of stuff shipped so far and need to have more shipped probably. I will see what we have tonight to be shipped and take care of it tomorrow. I also am going to bake Sebastian's vegan carrot cake muffins/cupcakes for his FIRST birthday on Wednesday. OMG, I can't believe it's his FIRST BIRTHDAY already!!!!!! Time is flying by way too fast! Baking tonight and packing as well, So much to do!!!!!!!

I have to get back to work so I can leave on time today. :)

My little squishy man

I miss my little man so much today. I just sit here at my desk and stare at his photos. I have about 100 photos of him hanging up like wallpaper around my desk and I have a digital frame as well with about 500 photos scrolling all day long. It reminds me why I'm at work, for my little squishy man. I love him so much it makes me cry, happy tears of course! I do everything with him in mind. Everything!!!!! He is my world, my reason for living. His smile melts my heart and just makes me want to hug him and never let him go. I love watching him learn and discover the world around him. Everyday, he learns something new. The last few weeks have been a time of great discovery for him. He started "scooting" around on his butt about two weeks ago. He is FAST! He pushes himself along the floor with his hands and his legs instead of crawling. He also just started pulling himself up to standing this week. Yesterday, I was playing with him after work and we were in the kitchen. He was sitting on the floor by his highchair and I ran into the garage for a second and when I walked back into the kitchen he was STANDING and holding onto his highchair!!!!!! I was so proud! He did it!!!! It was so cute, I walked into the room and gasped and smiled at him and he looked up at me and just gave me the biggest smile! I love his smile!!!! He is the most amazing child on the face of the Earth. We received some of the portraits I ordered from Carrie yesterday. I immediately hung them up in the living room. They are beautiful and I can't wait to receive the next shipment. Hopefully, soon! Last night he slept GREAT! Fell asleep a few minutes before 9pm and I had to wake him up this morning around 6:15am to bring him to Grandma's house. I hate leaving him but, I do need to work. So here I sit at my desk, my boring job. I love the people I work with so it makes it nice to come here. It's what keeps me here as well. Also, I've been working out with Tim Williams, my personal trainer. He is trying to help me get back into shape after the almost 70 pounds I gained during my pregnancy. That's A LOT of weight!!!! I have lost 37 pounds and I need to keep going. I am determined to get there. I can't wait anymore, I need to get back into my pre-prego clothes! It is so challenging. I lost 130 pounds 14 years ago and now I feel like I'm starting all over again. I'm self conscious and need to get over it! I'm a mommy now and pretty invisible. It is amazing how you all of a sudden become invisible. I had an identity and now I don't any longer. Sad. It's another "thing" to get used to now. Tomorrow is Saturday, MY day with my little man!! I Cherish my "alone" days with him. I get him all to myself and I get to bond with him and just love him. I look forward to those days all week. Last night was bath night and he LOVES baths and water!!!! He LOVES water. Did I mention he LOVES water??? OMG, He Loves Water. He gets so super excited when it's bathtime. Once I take off his diaper and tell him, ok let's go, he gets the biggest smile on his face and his entire body starts jumping with joy! He practically, jumps off of his changing table and runs into the bathroom. I take him off the changing table and let him walk/run into the bathroom. I have him sit on his nap nanny while I turn on the water and get it to the perfect temperature. At this point he is jumping for joy and can't wait to get into the bath. Once he gets in he plays with the water coming out of the faucet until it's time to turn it off. Then he splashes and plays with his toys, chews them and then walks around the bathtub a few times, sits down and then plays with the faucet handles and walks around again. Splashes and giggles... He just has such a ball, sometimes I don't want to take him out. Then we bring him to my bed and get him dressed for bed. Next we read BOOKS. He LOVES to read, a lot. We read about 10 books every night before bed. He tells me when we are done reading. He sits in between my legs and leans on my chest while I read to him. He has to pick the book and turn the pages. This is my favorite time at night. Cuddling. Just LOVE IT! Then we cover up with the comforter and we watch Peppa Pig (his favorite cartoon) as he drinks his bedtime bottle. Then when he is done, he turns around and climbs up and puts his arms around me and his head on my shoulder and it's time for "night, night". I just love him. Then we walk into his room and sometimes he falls asleep as we are walking in and sometimes I have to sing him to sleep. I don't mind either way. I NEVER let him cry himself to sleep, that is torture! Gotta get back to work...

Sleep!

He slept last night!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!! 5am came too fast. I woke up a few times during the night as usual to check the monitor and to see what the temperature was in his room but, basically got a good night's sleep. I'm still exhausted today and think I will be for years to come. Boo. Had a GREAT workout yesterday. Tim made me run like crazy yesterday. 6.5 and a small incline on the treadmill then we had to do squats! OMG, squats with weights after running for 30 minutes. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Last night for dinner I gave him carrots, and while he was eating those I made a handful of fresh brown rice pasta and mixed it with one cube of butternut squash. I think it filled him up enough for him to sleep through the night. I've been keeping track of his food everyday and I'm trying to see if there is a link btw what he eats and if he sleeps. We'll see...

No Sleep for Mama and Papa

Another sleepless night last night. Sebastian finally fell asleep close to 9pm and then awoke at 1am basically just wanting a cuddle. He only wants me to hold him a certain way and walk around, if I try to sit on the chair he FREAKS OUT. sooooooooooooo, I walk around with him in circles in his little room until he is sleepy or sleeping and then try to either put him back in his crib or sit on the chair and rock with him. Sometimes, I just stay in his room and hold him while we both cuddle and sleep. I wish our bed was safe enough for him to sleep with us like he used to. Our room is just too annoying for him and his room is so peaceful, most times I love sleeping in his room, I just want to be more comfortable. I tried to get him to go back to sleep from 1am - 2:30am and just couldn't do it anymore so I woke Fabe up and he tried until 3:30ish. Then it was my turn again!!!!!! OMG, so I sat down on the chair with him, covered him in his favorite fleece blanket and looked sternly into his face and told him it was time for night, night and he just started playing with my lips and my face smiling. I wanted to smile back but, I didn't and told him that it's not funny and I'm exhaused and I need my sleep so I can function the next day. I just looked at him for a minute and didn't smile, I kept reminding him that it was time to sleep and finally, he rolled over, grabbed my arm and closed his eyes. He fell asleep. So did I. I woke up at around 4:30am and was able to put him in his crib. I layed down in my bed and at 5am my alarm went off! Ugh! So I set it for 6am and slept for another hour. I have to leave the house by 6:30am to get to work on time. Well, I left at 6:45ish and told Fabe to wake him up and get everything ready.... I'm out! I have been working out with Tim, my trainer for the last 3 months, this is my 4th, every Tuesday/Thursday. I had my workout today and I'm on hardly any sleep. I still got a great workout! He has me running which I absolutely hate but, I do it anyway. I'm not sure exactly what size I am now but, the weight is coming off, slowly but, coming off. I am determined to get back into my pre-baby clothes again! I do not want to buy new clothes if I don't have to!

Let's hope we sleep tonight!!!! :)

Will they ever get it?

Every weekend is basically the same... Me trying to spend as much time as I can with Sebastian, cooking like crazy and trying to keep him on his sleep schedule. I am extrmely strict with his sleep schedule because if it gets messed up in any way he will not sleep at night for weeks!!! No one seems to understand and I really don't care, this is my life, not theirs! They don't have to be up with him for hours at night!!!! FU everyone! I want what I think is best for my son... MY SON. NOT YOUR SON. I have been feeling very angry lately at people who tell me what to do, unsolitcited. I do not want poisons in my son's body, I only want freshly prepared ORGANIC foods for him. I cook ALL of his food from scratch and so far everything I have given him, he loves! That's because I made it with love and it is fresh and organic. I love him so much and we have been through so much the last almost two years!!! I only ate the best while I was prego, exercised and tried to treat my body and him as best I could. Now, that he is not safe in my womb any longer I have to try to do the same for him externally. I tell him that I love him every few minutes, hug and kiss him like crazy, ensure he sleeps NO MATTER WHAT, keep him safe and warm and feed him on schedule. I don't care what others think or say, he is an extremely healthy little guy! So many opinions from so many moms with unhealthy children. This weekend, I prepared fresh peaches, mangoes, blueberries, strawberries, lentils and brown rice pasta for him. Tonight I will be preparing his multi-grain cereal for the week. I am going to put ground lentils in it this week. Since I now know he will eat them. I have dinners already prepared for the next few weeks in the freezer. I found these great silicone freezer trays made for baby food with no chemicals in the plastic. Each cube is 1oz and he is now eating at least 4 oz each meal. I have frozen in the freezer now.... cut up carrots, sweet potato, acorn squash, peas, kale, and all the fruit mentioned above. He loves feeding himself and lately especially LOVES avocados. He will eat 2 cubes of cut up carrots and half of an avocado. He started drinking from a cup from birth but, then it was a shot glass filled with either breast milk or formula. I need to discuss my breast feeding craziness in another post. That will take a LONG time to talk about. This morning before work, I took out all the frozen cubes out of the trays and put them in freezer bags. I took much of the fruit and gave that to my MIL who watches Sebastian while I'm at work. I have some strong opinions about that as well and for another day. I'm at work right now and need to go do some work.... Be back soon!

My First Post

I really don't know where to begin since I wanted to start this blog while I was prego. I was too busy reading and asking questions to start writing I guess. I was so clueless and type A and thought I had to do everything perfectly to ensure that my growing baby inside my belly would develop at his best. He could only do that with my help. I made sure that I only ate organic and mostly non processed foods, organic vitamins, protein smoothies, lots of love and of course I had him listen to music everyday using my belly buds attached to my belly. I took prenatal yoga throughout my entire pregnancy, researched the BEST baby products and made sure that we were completely "ready" for baby Junior to arrive. We had such a hard time picking out the perfect name for "Junior" as we called him even for the first few days after he was born. I really loved the name Sebastian and Fabe wanted to name him after a beer!!!! Ummmmmmmmmmm no. I finally won!!! We had a home birth which was amazing and I will post that story here soon. Right now Sebastian is playing in his packnplay and having lots of fun. He is 11 months old and will be a year on Feb 27, 2013. I have so much to say and really don't know how to get it out since I should have started writing a very long time ago. I think this will be a lot of babbling until I catch up with my thoughts. I have to go give Sebastian his bottle now.... be back soon!